Not the profit changed everything, and who I became along the way.
My first trade did not feel like a smart financial move. It felt like a test. A test of my nervous system. Of my mindset. Of my trust in myself.
I knew rationally exactly what I was doing. I had read books, watched videos, compared strategies. And still… at the moment I was about to click that one button, something else happened than just “buy” or “sell”. Something happened inside.
That first trade taught me less about the market and much more about trust. Trust in myself. In the process. In learning by trial and error.
One trade, a thousand thoughts
I still remember exactly how it went.
Soft music playing.
Laptop open.
Chart in front of me.
Price moving up and down.
I had done my analysis.
I had chosen my entry point.
I had set my stop loss.
And then came the moment.
Finger above the mouse.
"Now."
In that moment, so many thoughts rushed through my mind:
“What if this goes wrong straight away?”
“Who do you think you are, that you can do this?”
“What if you prove you are not good at this at all?”
My heart was beating just a bit faster.
My breathing moved higher into my chest.
My mind started looking for reasons to wait a little longer.
Check the chart just one more time.
Read one more article.
Wait for one more signal.
Not because the trade was wrong.
And because my system simply was not used to uncertainty yet.
What was happening in my brain
Only later I realised what was actually going on there.
My brain was trying to protect me.
The amygdala saw “risk” and pulled the emergency brake.
Not because there was real, physical danger.
It was because loss, rejection or “failing” feel like danger to our system.
My rational brain knew straight away: This is an amount I can afford to lose. This is a conscious practice trade. This is part of learning.
My emotional brain said: This is scary. This is new. This is unpredictable.
I now see that same inner struggle every day with my clients.
Not only in trading.
I see it in every decision where money and growth meet.
Investing in a training.
Raising your rates.
Hiring a coach.
Making a big purchase.
The behaviour looks irrational from the outside: delaying, doubting, panic-selling, backing out again. And underneath that behaviour lies something very human: the need for safety.
The real profit
If you now think that this first trade ended brilliantly and proved everything… I have to disappoint you.
The outcome was not spectacular.
No huge win.
No massive loss.
The real profit was somewhere else.
I had done one thing I had not dared to do before.
I had chosen, instead of analysing endlessly.
I had allowed myself to learn instead of having to be perfect.
From that moment on, I started to look at investing differently: As a process instead of a test. As a dialogue with myself instead of an exam.
Every trade, every choice, showed me something: How quickly do I panic? How much do I trust my preparation? How do I handle loss? How do I handle profit?
And that is exactly where true financial growth starts.
Not in the chart.
In you.
Practical tip – your next small ‘trade’ in trust
You do not have to be a trader to use this lesson.
Every financial decision can be your practice ground.
Take pen and paper and choose one small step you have been putting off for a while:
A conversation about your fee.
Setting a savings goal.
Setting aside an amount to invest in yourself.
Then write this out:
- What do I want to do?
Write the concrete action in one sentence. - Which thoughts pop up immediately?
For example:
“They will think I am arrogant.”
“What if I never earn it back?” - What do I feel in my body when I think about this?
Faster breathing.
A knot in your stomach.
Tension in your shoulders. - Which version of me needs to make this choice?
The version that doubts.
Or the version that wants to grow and is allowed to learn.
Then take one tiny step.
Not everything at once.
Just something.
Send that one email.
Ask for that fee.
Set that amount aside.
And celebrate that you moved, even though it felt scary.
Especially then.
Especially then.
Maybe you are at such a point right now.
You know exactly what you want to do.
And still, you are holding yourself back.
You are not the only one. And you do not have to figure this out on your own.
Real financial growth does not ask you to never feel fear again.
It asks you to learn how to be with uncertainty.
To learn how to regulate yourself when things feel tense.
To see mistakes as feedback, not as proof that you are “not good enough”.
Are you about to take a step – invest, raise your rates, make a choice – and you do not quite trust yourself yet? Even in one session we can identify which version of you is needed to dare to choose, and which concrete actions go with that. Book your intake via my Linktree, and we will explore together what your next step in trust can be.