The point where you feel like breaking is often the beginning of real leadership
Maybe this sounds familiar.
You are the one who fixes things. For clients, colleagues, at home.
Your shoulders are broad, your sense of responsibility is big.
Until there comes a moment when your head is full, your body stops cooperating and a quiet thought appears somewhere:
“If this is it… then I am not sure I want this anymore.”
I had a moment like that too. Long before I became a full-time coach and investor, when I was still working as a real estate lawyer.
When everything landed on my plate at once
I was working at the time in a partnership with a colleague.
It was busy.
Many files, high expectations, long days.
Busy in a way that I told myself “comes with the job”.
Until my business partner dropped out due to personal circumstances.
And what did I do?
I did what many strong people do: I pulled everything towards me.
I took over her cases.
I caught clients.
I made sure everything continued to run.
Not only because it was necessary, but also because at some level I believed I had to be able to handle it.
I told myself: “This is what you do if you are professional and loyal. This is what you are supposed to carry.”
What I was thinking at the time: I just have to be able to do this
From the outside the story looked simple: it is busy and I am managing.
On the inside the story was very different:
- “I am not allowed to collapse, then I let others down.”
- “I just have to be able to handle this, I chose this myself.”
- “Other people have it worse, so I should not complain.”
Every time I felt tired, I pulled the line a bit tighter.
Every time my head whispered “pause”, another voice said: “Just a bit more. After that.”
I no longer saw my own limit as a signal.
I saw it as a shortcoming.
How my body had been sounding the alarm long before
My body had been telling the real story much earlier.
I was constantly tired.
My sleep became restless.
My arms – in which I have a physical limitation – felt heavy and painful. Not very practical when you are behind a computer all day.
There were moments when I literally thought: “My arms cannot do this anymore.”
And still I kept going.
I pushed complaints forward, because there were clients waiting, emails to answer, deadlines to meet.
Looking back, my body was crystal clear.
I just did not listen.
The turning point: when I had to admit I no longer saw the way through
There came a day when I looked at my calendar and thought:
“I honestly do not know where to start anymore.”
Not “a bit busy”.
Not the “it is unplannably busy” that I had been saying for months.
Really: no overview at all.
I noticed I was reading the same email three times.
That I was standing with a file in my hands and no longer knew what the next step was.
That was the moment when I could no longer pretend.
I had to admit: I could not keep going on willpower alone.
With a heavy feeling I asked for help.
First my coach, and then a lawyer I always enjoyed working with, because she could feel that things were genuinely off and kept asking questions. So we sat down together. We took time – time I had been telling myself I did not have.
And it was exactly in that pause that clarity appeared. A plan was created. Tasks were redistributed. Priorities were reset.
And there was a painful and at the same time liberating realisation: I was not weaker because I asked for help. I had simply been far too hard on myself for years.
My lesson: Being strong also means being able to say “this is where it stops for me”
Looking back, I see this point as a turning point.
Until then I defined “being strong” as:
- pushing through
- carrying everything
- not complaining
- and especially not asking for anything.
Now I see strength differently. Being strong is also:
- being able to say: “This is where it stops for me”
- daring to feel: “This is too much, I need support”
- choosing: “I will no longer put myself last on the list.”
“You do not have to completely break before you are allowed to set boundaries. You are allowed to choose for yourself before things go wrong.”
That moment as a lawyer has shaped many of my later choices.
It was one of the reasons why I decided to design my life and work differently.
With more space.
More rest.
More ownership.
Not because I have less ambition, but precisely because I want to be able to carry that ambition in a sustainable way.
Concrete tip – Explore where you are still pushing yourself too far
Take ten minutes for yourself this week.
Without phone, without emails, without distraction.
Write down the answers to these questions:
- Where in my life or work am I now mainly running on willpower instead of on real capacity?
- In which area do I keep telling myself: “I just have to be able to handle this”?
- What would I do or ask if I treated myself with the same care I give to others?
Then choose one small action:
- postponing or delegating a task
- expressing one clear boundary
- being honest with someone about how you are really doing.
And when you take that step, consciously acknowledge: “Here I am choosing myself.”
That is not weakness. That is leadership.
Do you recognise yourself in this?
Maybe you are at a similar point.
You function.
You perform.
Others lean on you.
And somewhere you feel: this is too much. Not tomorrow.
Now.
You do not have to completely burn out before you are allowed to listen to that feeling.
In my coaching I work with people who carry a lot and now feel: this can be different. This must be different if I want to grow without exhausting myself.
Are you also at a point where you feel: it cannot go on like this?
In a non-binding intake we look together at:
- what you are still trying to carry on your own
- which stories keep you from asking for help or space
- which concrete steps are needed to create breathing room, rest and healthy growth again.
You can schedule your intake via my Linktree. so that you do not quit on yourself – only on the way you overload yourself.