Why earning more will not ease your restlessness.
You earn more than ever. And yet it does not feel calm.
Maybe you recognise this.
Your income has gone up. Your invoices are higher. You see more coming into your account. The outside world says things like: “You are doing so well.” “You are the last person who needs to worry about money.”
And yet you lie awake because of money.
You check your banking app more often than you would like. You have the feeling it could all collapse at any moment.
This is not a lack of gratitude. And it is not proof that you are “never satisfied”. It is a sign that only your income has grown and that your inner sense of safety has been left behind.
The myth: if I earn more, it will automatically get calmer
Many of my clients are exactly at this point when they come to me.
They are smart. They earn good money. They often already have a buffer, pension savings, investments or property.
And yet, inside it feels like this:
- “I have to keep performing, otherwise it will all disappear.”
- “Everyone thinks I have it all together and I do not feel that way at all.”
- “If I am honest, money still feels like tension.”
That is because money has That is because money has two layers.
The outside: numbers, income, assets.
The inside: beliefs, nervous system, family dynamics. heeft:
De buitenkant: cijfers, inkomen, vermogen.
De binnenkant: overtuigingen, zenuwstelsel, familiedynamieken.
If only the outside grows and the inside keeps running on old software, friction shows up.
You end up living in a kind of financial split.:
From the outside it all looks good.
From the binnen it still feels unsafe.
An example
A client of mine – let us call her Eva – had everything that “made sense” on paper. A level of turnover she could only have dreamed of a few years before. A healthy buffer. A house with equity. And still she regularly felt guilty when she spent money on herself, and she jumped every time a larger bill came in.
She had the sense she was not allowed to make a mistake, because there was “so much at stake”.
When we started to unpack her money story, three things came to the surface:
- A deep fear: “It can all be gone just like that.”
- An old message from home: “Just act normal, do not be too much.”
- And a hidden story: “If I have a lot, people will have opinions about it.”
Her numbers objectively gave her security. Her nervous system was still running on the old script of scarcity, shame and carrying responsibility for everyone. So more was needed. Only when she started to face that layer, that old script – and did not just add yet another financial strategy – did things really start to shift.
What lies underneath the stress
If your income rises and your stress stays, there is usually more going on than “just worrying”.
I often see three layers come back:
- Unconscious patterns
Thoughts like “I have to keep this up”, “I am not allowed to fail”, “I need to be prepared for the worst”. Your brain keeps scanning for risks instead of for space. - Heavy responsibility
Maybe you are (partly) providing for a family, maybe you are the first in your family with this level of income, or you feel responsible for a team, staff or clients. With every extra euro, the pressure also grows: “Now nothing is allowed to go wrong.” - Family dynamics and money codes
Remarks like “Just be normal”, “It could all be over tomorrow” or “Money does not make you happy” can sit deep in your system. Unconsciously you keep yourself small, so that you stay loyal to “where you come from”.
Your stress then does not come from a lack of money. It comes from a nervous system that is still living in an old reality.
The lesson: your income may grow and your system may grow with it
Real financial calm does not only ask for more revenue or more return. It asks for an inner update. That can mean for example:
- Learning to feel that money really is safe now instead of living as if you could lose everything at any moment.
- Practising carrying responsibility without carrying everything on your own shoulders.
- Honouring old family messages and at the same time choosing a new story that fits the life you are living now.
You do not have to cut yourself off from where you come from. You are allowed to decide that your future gets a different inner standard.
Practical tip – Check whether your stress still belongs to the past
Take ten minutes, a notebook and a quiet place. Then answer these questions:
- Which thoughts about money do I have most often since my income has gone up?
Write them down literally. For example: “It can all disappear again.” “Soon they will see I am a fraud.” “I have to keep this level up.” - From whom or from what do I recognise that voice?
Think of parents, family, former employers, earlier periods in your life.
Is this a reaction to your current situation, or to an old one? - What do my numbers say objectively?
How much buffer do I have? What are my fixed costs? What comes in on average each month?
Do you see a difference between your numbers and your feeling? - Which new sentence do I want my system to hear when it comes to money?
For example: “I earn this and I am allowed to enjoy it.”
Or: “I am safe, even when I am not in control of everything.”
Let this new sentence come back throughout the week. Put it in your phone, on your mirror, next to your laptop. Make sure you see it everywhere and read it out loud several times a day. In this way, you retrain your nervous system step by step.
Do you recognise yourself in this?
Maybe you can see from the outside that you are doing well.
And yet it never really feels calm on the inside.
Then there is nothing wrong with you.
It is time to upgrade not only your income, but also your inner safety.
In my coaching I work with people who are “fine” financially and still feel inner restlessness. People who are ready to grow further and who feel: I do not want to keep doing it like this, constantly under tension. Do you recognise that? Make an appointment and we will examine together:
- Which old layer is still active for you.
- Which patterns are undermining your sense of safety.
- And which concrete steps are needed to let your nervous system grow along with your income.
You can book your intake via the link in my Linktree. So that you not only earn more, and you also truly feel freer.